The Challigator

As I can't afford an alligator purse, I thought I'd try to make myself into such a stylish handbag. Currently just the shoulders are in a state of disarray...but once the redness, blisters, and peeling stops I figure I'll be worth quite a bit. Plus the Challigator bag comes with personal witty remarks, legs, arms, and you're choice of color (white in the winter, red in early summer, and browner in the fall). The Challigator bag is actually still alive, and although you can't put anything in it, she just holds everything for you. Get yours today for $1378.95!

(Am I actually selling myself on the internet for a little over a grand?!?! What buffoonery!)