Power Hungry Demons

Hillapolooza descended on us recently. For those of you who are not fortunate enough to yet know, Hillapolooza is a week long celebration of my cousin (Hillery's) birthday. So last night we hit up the branch for a little two-stepping in our new cowboy boots. When we finally roll out like the gangstas we are I tell my buddy Brad to hop in and I'll drive him back to rez. I take a wrong turn on campus though, and have to pull through a bus station area. Please keep in mind it is like 1am, and there is no way any normal individuals are still up on a thursday at this point. (This excludes cowboys as they, of course, are wonderfully not normal). So Brad's all like "Yo, Challis, you're going the wrong way" and i'm like "I don't want to drive 20mins around the campus when I can just turn right here . . . plus who is awake right now?"

I should always not listen to my basic instincts.

Not just one pansy-ass University "cop" (and I use that term loosely here) pulls up . . . but TWO. They even pull the lights on me (I really was hoping for the siren too, but I guess I'd have to do something that's actually going to harm someone for that.) The dude in his bullet proof vest comes up to the car and starts flashing my eyes with his (rather small) flashlight demanding to know if I've been drinking. Grabs my ID and registration (which took me a hell of a lot of time to find what with the box of tampons, toothbrush, sea shells from Vancover, and loads of unimportant paper to leaf through), and takes off back to his car after informing me that the ticket is going to be at least $140. So I naturally start swearing and laughing. Brad and I discuss my legal options. The rent-a-cop comes back after 20mins with a pretty yellow ticket and informs me I broke two laws because there were two signs telling me not to drive where I drove (I call bull shit) and then informs me (in a belligerently condescending tone) that he's just giving me a warning.

Icing on the cake = I tell him I'll never drive there again. Not even "on Christmas, when all the cops are under their trees opening presents." Who the hell am I?