Satan called me this morning

This morning Hillery and I were rudely awoken (at all of 11:00am). Neither of us being conscious enough to find a phone, we eventually stumbled around to check who called--a 1-800 number. Being a somewhat angry person, I swiftly went back to bed and started plotting ways to make telemarketers lives miserable, I came up with this list.

1) Say "no, go away. And it's MISS Elkink, not Mr. Elnick." This generally doesn't seem to work as I believe the employees have IV's of Prozac pumping into their arms to keep them resilient to all the hatred directed at them.
2) Hang-up. This is just not satisfactory...they deserve worse.
3) Pretend you don't speak English. I have seen this performed. It is very funny. Throwing in comments like "my husband is dead" or "what's the internet?" increases the intensity of amusement, but you must be able to keep the laughter under wraps, and I just can't do that.
4) My new creation...start selling them something of yours. The dialog would go something like this:

telemarketer: Hello Mr. Elnick, I'd like to tell you about our new calling plan
me: It's MISS Elkink, and I'd like to tell you about an amazing new knife set.
t: ummm...ok...so the calling plan is only $1354.99 a minute and...
m: well I've got you beat there cause the chop-chop knives are only $99.99 a minute! and I'll throw in a demonstrational video of how they can cut through cans, and then tomatoes with ease.
t: maybe this is a bad time to call?
m: not at all! I was just sleeping, watching TV, having a shower, eating dinner with my deaf, blind, mute Grandmother, and giving money to the poor. You couldn't have picked a better time.


So obviously my best ideas come to me in a half-sleep induced state and not in the shower like regular people. However, I highly suggest we all try this new approach to the EVIL telemarketers, and you should probably let me know how it works out for you.